Monday, May 23

Two-Wheeled Moto-Fascists Unraptured

Haha! We didn't really get "Raptured." That was just a clever ruse. I staged that photo.

And unfortunately none of the moto-fascists that terrorize my commute got "Raptured" either. Alas! The roads were as crowded as usual this morning.

In fact, I noticed the presence of moto-fascists on the Clear Creek Trail as my family unit rode home from Golden yesterday. No, no, no Silly Reader! They weren't driving on the MUP, they were riding bikes.

Yeah, its true. Sometimes MFers ride bikes.

Take for example one middle aged moto-fascists that tried to crowd Mandy and I out of the way at a bottleneck between West Lake and Lake Tabor in Wheat Ridge. There were about a dozen people and critters within a 15' radius of the southwest end of the bridge, all traveling different direction, all using different methods of locomotion and we slowed to let the throng part asunder. But Mr. Successful Moto-fascist apparently couldn't be troubled to slow down for pedestrians, dogs or other cyclist. He told Mandy outright: I'm going to pass you," and then he squeezed past me with inches to spare and then had to stop.

Mandy was...a bit cranked to say the least. So as we broke free of the mall crowd I jumped on the pedals, hauling Boone as I went into pursuit mode. I made a crazy shortcut move through the Prospect Park parking lot and got right on his rear wheel. I held on until Kona Lisa caught up and then I fell back so Mandy could drop the geezer. She passed strong as we headed up out of the greenbelt onto 41st and I followed close behind dropping him easily as well. Mandy remarked that it had felt good to leave him behind.

Ah, I digress...so anyway, how does a moto-fascist end up on two wheels?

Well, first of all, they drive across town to the MUP trailhead subjecting their noble steed to the indignity of being portaged on top or behind some $499 a month lease car. Typically the two-wheeled moto-fascist will be someone training for a triathlon and who claims that the cycling aspect is not their strong event. They went out and bought a high end bike with all the accessories and have still not paid off the credit card bill. Or it might be some guy who is going through a midlife crisis and bought a high end road bike in their hormone induced confusion.

The Two-wheeled Moto-fascist never calls out "On your left!" They do not yield to other trail users. They rarely ride on the road because "everyone's crazy." They move to the left to pass pedestrians even when there is no room, forcing other users off the trail. If they ride together they ride three and four abreast and do not move over.

Yes, the Two-wheeled Moto-fascists bring the menacing behavior of Four-wheeled Moto-fascists to the MUPs.

Why, oh why couldn't they have been taken? I just don't understand. I mean, I have a list of nominations for those who are "worthy." Not sure where I can submit it for the next "Rapture."

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