The pedals felt light. The Cannonball cut through the air like explosive death. The world streamed away from my face like a melting Dali painting. Moto-fascists were thrown left and right, mangled metal crashed into the ditchlines and over the sidewalks. The sonic boom was deafening. Pedestrians were obliterated in a spray of...well, let's not get TOO graphic.
The new Cannondale Trail SL 2 (in blue) was ready at the bike shop today. Hurray!
Mandy picked it up on her way home from school and for a couple of hours I gnawed furiously on the ends of my fingers. I get off work at 5:30 and the bike shop closes at 6. Not enough time to cover the 11.61 miles from work to the bike shop (most direct, if not safest route) through traffic, over hill, dale and curb.
I tried coughing and gagging conspicuously. No one asked if I was feeling bad. I pretended to faint. No one noticed. I started to stick my finger down my throat as I reached for the fire alarm and my boss said: "What in the world are you doing?!"
So I was stuck at work until 5:30, even though my new bike was sitting in the Bikeport waiting for me after 2:30. Three hours of detachment! Three hours of agony.
My lovely wife volunteered to pick it up for me, ironically on her way home from work. While her benevolent service denied me the pretentious opportunity to pick the bike up on my new "armageddon buggy" I am thankful to her for having it at home waiting for me tonight so I didn't have to wait until tomorrow morning at 10am. I would probably have camped outside the bike shop or broken in during the wee hours of tomorrow morning.
"But officer, it's my bike!"
So the next conundrum is this: nickname. I call my Xtracycle conversion the Cannonball X, or the Cannonball. This new bike is a Cannondale as well, but I can't really call it "Cannonball." There is only one...
So what do I call this new bike? The OBS is orange. The new bike is blue. Something to do with bluegrass? I like bluegrass by the way...
Anyway, I'll be taking submissions. It's kind of an informal contest. Whomever comes up with the most appropriate nickname will get credit. And not much else.
Off to the trails! If I do not return, if I should happen to succumb to heinous injuries related to a mountain bike crash this evening...please set up a fund for my wife and kids. And for a memorial statue in the town square.