Monday, September 26

The Secret to Surviving on the Roads

Dear Readers, I have discovered the secret to surviving crazed drivers on the road...

Get a car.

I did not know this but I am a big @#$%ing loser and I "need to get a car."

And just as an aside, if you are a moto-fascist and you like driving through busy grocery store parking lots while on your cell phone, apparently it is a totally acceptable defense to deny everything.

Me: "Hang up your phone when you're driving! You cut me off back there!"

Moto-fascist, license plate 381-IAM: "I did not you @#$%ing loser! Get a car!"

She turned to walk away from the bike rack toward the store entrance. I had finished locking my bike so I called out to her as I also headed toward the entrance: "Just hang up your phone while you're driving. You're going to kill someone!"

She turned and stormed back at me.

"Are you following me?! Are you trying to start something?!" And she made a move to push me. I shouldered past and went about my shopping.

So Ms. 381-IAM remember: deny everything. You don't really know what you did anyway. You were more engaged in your phone conversation than in your driving. If you had even glanced in my direction you would have been blinded by my MiNewt 250 set on "death-by-strobe."

Oh, and I won't be getting a car anytime soon. Cars are for losers.


  1. Honestly, you have her license plate number, I'd call it in to the police. They probably won't do anything, but it might be a good little lesson (scare) for her, and perhaps save someone else from a serious injury or even death. Why do people think it's their right to talk on a cell phone while driving - and the worst part is, then blame you or act like you're the crazy person. It would be so much better if she'd just owned up to it and apologized, and then make a change and realize that she shouldn't be distracted (in any form) while driving. Glad there were no injuries. Stay safe out there!

  2. I don't want to be THAT guy, though I would love to report every distracted driver on the road just for fun. In my chronic stupidity I've confronted quite a few moto-fascists about their homicidal tendencies behind the wheel and they always deny they did anything wrong and throw it back on me saying it was my fault for being in the road in the first place, for slowing them down, for breaking the law, etc, etc.

    My defense would be that I only smacked her car to steady myself so I wouldn't fall under her moving vehicle and get dragged around the parking lot.

    I guess I left out a few details. She made a left without looking right. I was approaching from the right and was right beside her after she turned. I smacked her back quarter panel and yelled in her open rear window: "Hang up your phone while you're driving!"

    I then proceeded to the bike rack where she accosted me.