Friday, August 2

Smack Talking Hits You In The Face

saw a post on the Book of Face from Diane Strong, the organizer of the Sadie “Hill” Bike Tour, which said:

Greetings cyclists! I want to announce the launching of the Sadie ‘Hill’ Bike Tour website. The Sadie ‘Hill’ Bike Tour will be held on October 12th this year. And guess what? We are giving away a FREE JERSEY for anyone who completes the full 100 mile route!!! You have to pre-register though.
 
I’m a sucker for things that are advertised to be free.  Well, I’m a sucker for any scheme to get a new bike jersey even though it should be illegal for me to wear one until I lose the spare tire.

I replied: I feel compelled to sign up...

Diane: That's great Chis, I hope you do. And bring your friends:)

Me: I'm doing the iron horse half [marathon] the next day. But I think I can pull it off.

Diane: I just hope you aren't hoping for a PR. One of my volunteers is doing the iron horse (I might too) but she opted not to do the ride because of that. You must be a beast.

Well, I was flattered that she would think I can actually pull it off.  That’s the beauty of the internet: you can make any outrageous claim you want and no one can see your fat butt there behind the screen with donut crumbs smeared all over your face and an Ale-8 bottle jammed up your nose.

Me: My first half. I've done a ton of centuries though. I wouldn't classify myself as a beast. Unless a beast is stupid by nature.

So I guess I will be going for a PR.

See how I lied?  A “ton” of centuries.  That would be true if a ton of bicycle century rides equaled five.  Well, by the time the Sadie Hill ride comes around that would be a grand total of seven (including the Leadville 100 and the Old Kentucky Home Tour)!  So seven organized century rides/races equals a ton?  I could live with that.  

I can’t decide if I’m that stupid.  I have until August 31.  Or I could trick Tom or Mark or Jeff into signing up and then just skunk the jersey when they’re not looking.  If Mandy weren't also signed up to do the Iron Horse I'd get her to do it because then I wouldn't even have to turn to a life of thievery, the jersey would already be hanging in my closet.  Maybe Boone... 

Speaking at Jeff:
 
It's not too late, We could hook up your family In a tagalong and bike trailer behind our car, you know you want to go to Leadville

Jeff:
 
Even if I was in the race, I'd have to knock up save-a-lot.

...

I'm not one to question who or what other mountain bikers are attracted to, but a Save-a-Lot?  C'mon Jeff, at least hook up with an IGA.  Don't sell yourself short.  I mean, SAL is better than Piggly Wiggly, but have some standards for crying out loud!  You can gigolo yourself out all over town just to go if you want, but don't be telling everyone...Save-a-Lot!  And does he mean a certain store or the entire chain?  Either way...brrrgghh!

Could it have been a typo?  Maybe he meant "knock over" a Save-a-Lot.  That would be physiologically more reasonable.

In text form I offered this bit of wisdom in case that's what he meant:
 
They call them Albertsons in Colorado.  I have a gun you can borrow.

I really hate that I keep contributing to the delinquency of a Mozhican, but the truth of it is he'd be delinquent despite the withholding of any of my contributions.

I haven't decided for certain I won't do the Sadieville century, but I'm pretty sure that would be one organized bike ride too many this year.  Unless I've already crossed that threshold; in which case it doesn't really matter at all, does it?

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