Thursday, October 3

From the Y2K Shelter

The “new normal” personal hygiene habits of the apocalypse have made the days more relaxed if a bit odorous.  It’s a small price to pay for freedom.  I just wish the TVs had stayed on long enough to see the perpetrators put up against the wall for their obligatory executions.  
But now that we’re in the midst of post-apocalyptic biketopia I don’t dwell too much.  I just ride my armor plated mountain bike around what used to be Federal land shooting at anythingthat moves with my wrist-mounted crossbow.  Not sure where everybody got one of those, but I sure am glad they were lying in wait for just such an era of history.  That each of us weregiven one standard issue wrist-mounted crossbow and a quiver of bolts is bonus!
What I’m saying is that now would be a good time to explore by bike those places that have been all Area-51ed until now.  I'm not saying anyone should do that.  I'm not saying that.  It’s just a good time for it if anyone should have the urge.
Have I had those urges?  Watch out, or I’ll shoot you with my crossbow!
The upside to all this…well, as you can tell from where I’m sitting there are many upsides…the upside is that I’ve finally lost that 20 pounds I’d been whining about.  Seems scavenging for cans of pork-n-beans and chasing squirrels with a spear burns a lot of calories.  It’s amazing how my Strava results have improved by losing all that weight!  Of course once I put the armor plating on I lost all of that benefit.
Did you know that an Xtracycle with knobby tires is the perfect deer hunting machine?  Yeah, it’s true!  Though the bags get a little rancid if you don’t hose (bros before them) them off pretty quick. I wish I’d followed through on that X to fatbikeconversion.  Then I could truly take it anywhere.
I’m still waiting for everyone to run their gas tanks empty so I can take over the roads.  I’m carrying over my status as KyMBA East prez and patriarch of the Powell County Bike Family Empire to reign supreme on the roads once the four wheeled dinosaurs are gone.  It won’t be long.  Some of my neighbors can’t go to the mailbox without employing internal combustion. It was a sad, sad, sad world.  Now, thanks to Congress, it’s starting to brighten significantly.

1 comment:

  1. Totally out of control! BTW. We are just at or past peak oil. Its going to be a while before gas runs out ;)