Wednesday, January 29

Mwn Bikun Oppert'nitees

On my ride in to work this morning I tuned into a local pirate radio station, eighty-two point two WHUT on the F and the M, and I heard this startling commentary:

Lower the Confederate flag to half-mast and tune up the banjer Mabel!  We gotta sing a few sad songs to worsh away the mem’ry of that State uh the Union.  D’jou see John Boehner tryin’ ta burn a hole in the back-a Obamer’s head with just his icy stare last night? Lardy bee, we gotta impeach ‘im!
High speed banjo rolls exploded from my car speakers (Blaupunkt not included) and I nearly swerved off the Mountain Parkway.  Dern-it all, if it were just a little wider...
I did think it was pretty cool that the POTUS recognized the honorable representative from the Commonwealth.  I wonder if Mitch and Steve duked it out.  What with McConnell being Nemisis Numero Uno and Beshear waving the Obamercare flag so fast he’s cooled off global warming. 
I didn’t bother watching the POTUS’s SOTU.  I’m sure it’s the same old monotribe with the same sad rebuttals.  You could program a computer to favor Left-wing ideologies and another one to align more to the Right and set them on each other to debate and you’d get the same fare we’re used to.  Except, oddly, in Kentucky where even the democrats act republican. 
It’s not none of my business how they want to run the country, but if you ask me I think we need sweeping change.  Y’know, grasp the broom of reform.  Get us some of that reform.  Be a friend of the little man. 
This ain’t got nothin’ to do with cycling.  It especially don’t have anything to do with mountain biking.  But I’m glad you asked.  I did bring my bike with me to work today.  And at lunch I’m gonna go ride it at Vet’rans Park.  I know the trails’ll all be froze up.  Won’t be nary mud.  What’s “nary” mean?
“Any” is shorter than “Nary.”  Fewer consonants even.  It shouldn’t exist.
Oh well.
It’ll be cold.  That’s fer sher.  Hopefully thur’ll be a car tar on far over thar to warm me up pre- and post-ride.  But cold is good for the trails this time of year.  I realized I’d been losing out on some important mountain biking opportunities this winter by not riding while the trails are frozen solid.  In a few weeks or less the temps will climb above freezing and the whole world will turn to mud.
The Mohican is only 18 weeks out.  I can’t afford to be waylaid by mud.  And so the training has begun.  Soon Dgjoff and I will be out riding our local trails (e.g. Furnace-Pilot Road) and wishing for better county maintenance.  Yeah, did you know some mountain bike trails in Kentucky are actually county “maintained” roads?  Did you know that the most common form of traffic calming in the Commonwealth is a string of barbed-wire across the road to slow the four-wheelers down?
Although, to be fair, that traffic control device is most commonly used by private citizens who believe they own the road in question and that the decapitated four-wheelers were trespassing at the time.  But there’s no way they can report the grow operation now so it’s a moot point.
If I survive the Polar Vortex Mountain Biking Ride this afternoon I’ll give you a ride report as soon as we get more gas fer the generator.  Junyer’s been stayin’ up late watching NCIS agin and he’s run out all the juice.
 Running Update:

Yeah, instead of cranking out a whole new post I decided to do an addendum concerning my lunch time "ride" at Vet'rans.  Yeah, first I gave up, decided not to get out of the lukewarm office.  But then I remembered that I had singed up, singed myself, signed myself up for the Mohican in a little less than 18 weeks.  So I dragged my sorry behind sideways out to the restroom and changed into my stretched out kit.

If you thought Vet Park would be in fantastically fine shape on this 11 degree day you'd be keer-rect.  And if by "fine shape" you meant packed down into a 6 mile long ribbon of ice you wouldn't be too far off the mark.

I rode anyway.  I rode 2 miles and managed to stay upright only because, in the spirit of prudence, I rode unclipped.  Granted I had to make my own path through the woods parallel to the trail like many others had.  But those first few riders on the new fallen snow a few days ago got to ride right down the middle.  And then the monumentous snowruts they left behind turned to iceruts and the sections of trail that for a short while had resembled groomed ski tracks turned to solid ice sheets.

I bailed when I reached blue and drove over to Coffee Times to stock up on whole bean Ethiopian.  I gotta give myself props for trying.

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