Thursday, February 6

Revolutionary New Training Plan

Recently I discovered a way to make myself strong for the upcoming Mohican 100 mountain bike race.  I was turned on to this new training plan by a former Mohican finisher.  It’s got to be good, right?

What you do is:

1.      Yell to your wife: “They offered you cake and you didn’t take it?!”

2.      Drive like a maniac to the house where cake is.  Make wife go in and get it while you sit in warm car. (This is the Recovery Phase after getting worked up by the prospect of eating cake)

3.      Wear compression gurdle to hide your progress from competitors.

4.      Follow the Bill Cosby diet: Eggs, and wheat, and milk…NUTRITION!

5.      Make excuses to not go hiking with bike/text friends so as not to burn additional calories.

6.      When training cake supply becomes depleted take it from bike/text friends by force if necessary.

7.      Ride single speed in the dark over snow and brag about how hard core you are.  Then eat some more cake.

8.      Refuse to use Strava so there is no proof of your wuss-itude.

I know this training plan works because it’s the one Jeff uses.  He calls it the Let-Them-Eat-Cake Plan Minus Intervals.  The With Intervals kit comes with ten free barf bags.
I’m still trying to decide if I’m man enough to try it.  Jeff has bulked up quite a bit.  He swears its muscle, but I've never seen neck muscle before.  Or at least not so much disproportionate neck muscle.  And chin muscle?  I'm skeptical.  Let's see how fast he is come May 31st.

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