Thursday, February 27

The Misunderstood Wildebeest

Part of me just wants to confer the entire text exchange between an Inquisitive Reader and myself.  But I’ll sum it up with one word: concise.

But maybe some of you have your interest piqued at this point and the one word explanation isn’t enough.  You’re shouting: “But Chainring! What of my daily dose of rambling, near-incoherent, quasi-cyclo-bloggature?!?!”  And you’re shouting it at your computer screen.

Face it, you need help.

But in the mean time I will appease the demons that are clawing away at the backs of your eyeballs.  I’ll deaden the noises echoing off the walls of your padded room.  I’ll continue with my daily blattitudes for your benefit, Dear Reader.

I’ve decided to include the Reader’s Digest version of the text exchange that prompted this post:


Inquisitive Reader: Do you have any interest in briefly speaking to the blarble blarble youth blarble sometime?
Chainring: They're not going to throw the book at me are they?  Can I wear a bear suit?  Do any of them have special considerations such as a sign language interpreter?

IR: Nope. Just basically telling a tiny group of kids that there are options for their future that don't involve government assistance and toxic relationships.  And that such options are not incredibly difficult to pursue, but do involve some planning and determination. And ambition.

Chainring: I'm not sure I'm qualified.  Sure you don't want me in a bear suit?  When is this gig and how much suboxyclean* will I get in payment?

IR: Bear suit might be a good idea.
IR: You're very qualified.
IR: Compared to others from the county our age.
IR: You will get 3 metric tons of suboxyclean to use at your leisure.

Chainring: Should I call you "Heisenberg?" 3 metric tonnes?!
Chainring: Our age?  So of all 26-40 year old in the county I'm the most successful? 
IR: You rode really far on a mountain bike in another state! You LIVED in another state.
IR: Both your kids come from the same mother!
IR: You probably don't eat hot and ready pizza most nights.
IR: I'm starting to think you're just fishing for compliments now.
IR: And my bad about assuming both your kids come from the same mother. I'm not sure if that's true or not and I'm sorry for any awkwardness that may have resulted from that statement. [ed: I ain’t tellin’ ‘em!]
IR: Unless you want me to publish all the details of your [redacted] in the paper or on Facebook you might want to consider this opportunity.

Chainring: Alright, you don't have to send in the goon squad.  I'll do it. 

Chainring: Back to the original request: you said "tiny group of kids."  Does that mean a group of miniature children, or not very many regular-sized children?
IR: Not very many regularly sized children.

Chainring: No there are not.
IR: You're on fire this morning.

IR: Ok. So it will hopefully be more than one teenager that might or might not be height/weight proportionate.

Chainring: Now we're getting somewhere!

IR: Also. When is the final wildebeest post coming?

Chainring: Well, I'm not a wildebeest expert per se.  Let me get back to you on that one.
 
So that about sums it up.  My readers want more wildebeest...ses.  Wildebi?  Wildebeesten? Wildebeestses.  Oddly enough, this was the second request I’ve received in the past week to speak at young people.  If only I had some words of wisdom to convey to them.  But then again, the Inquisitive Reader basically wrote my speech for me:

“There are options for your future that don’t involve gubment ‘sistance and goin’ on Jurry Spranger.  Them options are easy to click on, but you gotta think ahead.  And get up early in the mornin’.”

I’m not dumbing it down for the local hope for the future.  Nope.  They’re the smart ones.  It’s us older folk, set in our ways, polishin’ the status quo all the live long day that are screwed up.  I’m dumbing it up for us.  But hindsight is 20/20 it’n it?

What legacy are we leaving behind?  Who are we waiting on to lead us out of the wildebeest and into the promised land?

And be assured, Dear Readers, be completely assured...there will be more Misunderstood Wildebeest...ses.

 
*My hometown is going through a controversial battle over a suboxone clinic.  Yeah, I’d never heard of it either.

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