Speaking of unthawing…
Schools have cancelled everywhere. Universities have shut down. County governments are unthawed. And yet the droves of flying cubicle monkeys descended upon Lexington, the jewel of the Bluegrass, at ridiculously high rates of speed this morning over ice and snow to appease the Lords of Business. Nay, nary think of holding back your precious essence from the machine of capitalism. Go forth! risking life, limb, and liability to sit upon your monkey stools in your cubicle/cells tapping away at the keyboards until the pre-appointed time of departure wherewith you shall stampede in the general direction of your respective domiciles in one big flood of screaming, smelly, flying-monkey flesh. Don’t even consider staggering your evening commute times. That would just be stupid. Don’t think! Only obey! Stampede toward success! Grovel for approval! Sell your soul for the privilege of occupying a cubicle!
Really, what’s so important in those computers and behind those cubicle walls that all us monkeys need to be present and accounted for at such specific times that no degree of variation is allowable?
I’m fortunate; my employer seems to be understanding and tolerant. But in Colorado I was expected to take vacation time if I was late to work due to the weather. I actually received a written warning (disciplinary action) because I didn’t report the hour and a half I was late on the day it took me two and a half hours to get to work on my bike. There was over a foot of snow over a sheet of ice, the temperature was below zero, and I was still the first one in the office. But because I didn’t claim it as vacation time along with the morning that I was a half hour late because I had a flat in sub-freezing temperatures (and changed much faster than if I had been in a car I tell you!) I was chastised.
I fear those sorts of repercussions still. Our cultural corporate mentality is asinine. I showed up. It means nothing. But if I hadn’t showed up I might face penalties. I might have to sacrifice vacation time for good judgment. Why are we all expected to risk our assets (be they bikes or more expensive cars) when our instincts and experience tells us it’s just not a good idea to get out? I talked to a young lady last week who asked the semi-rhetorical questions: “Why are the kids’ (referring to public school students) lives so important, but mine is not?”
Why indeed? Well, we need them to survive to grow up and be more complacent helper monkeys than you Miss I-Don’t-Want-To-Die-In-The-Polar-Vortex. If you die you can just be replaced. If they die then we have to have our current helper monkeys try real quick to replace them by breeding prodigiously. Does that answer your question?
I’m sorry Dear Readers, I’ll try to return to the same low quality fare you’re used to tomorrow.
|So sayeth The Oatmeal|
The people I first referred to, those that like to group up with my idiot ex-B-I-L, are those who get out on the road and drive like it was yesterday. Yesterday being the day when there was no snow or ice on the road.